he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
