I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
