i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
