i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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