Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
