I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
