I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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