Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
