Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
