All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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