I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
