So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize