He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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