Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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