What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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