Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
