My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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