Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
