sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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