careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
