He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
two words...techno handjob
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
