i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
