Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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