I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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