i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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