were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
