Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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