she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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