his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i now understand why vodka
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
