Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
