Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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