My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
