Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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