why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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