I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
