i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
