Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
