the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
