I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
