Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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