just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
