like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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