She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
