If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
