I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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