Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
