my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
