I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
