I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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