My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
