I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
