Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
