you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
