My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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