I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
