Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
