the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
