and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think my moral compass just broke
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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