farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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