it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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