Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there is glitter all over my balls
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