In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
