Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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