Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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