zippers are such a cool invention
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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