i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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