I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
