Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
