I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
