sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
